I just want to quote other people. It’s easy, it’s open-ended, it allows for a minimal amount of responsibility. I won’t do it. If you don’t have something original to say, don’t say anything at all.
I had a sentence earlier, but even that was not my own; “In God we trust.” I wanted to find a space alone somewhere to lay down and let those words sink to a cellular level. What is the connection between faith and prosperity? Between money and magic? As the time available in this day has dwindled down, I find that I have chosen one word. I have one word only; one word on which to meditate when I lie down in bed in just a few minutes. Why does the word hold so much power? Is there something beyond the surface that I have not seen? Does the word become a key when handled gently between my fingers? Can one word unlock the door to many more?
There were two puppies playing in my backyard this afternoon. Sisters; Ramona and Beasley. They wrestled in the garden (much too close to our lettuce, so we had to yell, “Hey, get outta there!”). They tried to chase my insanely fast dog in circles around the trampoline. Together, they dug a hole beneath the hammock. I can still feel their little happy hearts rolling in the grass. I miss them dearly. That is all for tonight.
Perspective of the non-drinking person: if there is a weak spot, it just takes a certain amount of whiskey for it to reveal itself. Complacency, superiority, jealousy… saw it all in the nice table of new friends sharing some whiskey tonight. I wondered what comes out when I participate? Damage? Destruction? Just a big red flag bearing the word “BROKEN”?
Will this effort mean something some day?
Sometimes you’re tired, and you just want a nectarine, but there is no reason you should eat a nectarine before bed, so you eat some strawberries instead. But the truth is, you didn’t want strawberries, so you feel even worse than you would have, had you just eaten the damn nectarine.
In not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, it seems that I subconsciously put myself in a position to poll thousands of people and collect some information. Sure, some of them didn’t talk at all, some were young children who didn’t have much of a life story to share, but most have been able to relate some glimmer of their cumulative life experience. I asked questions, I listened, and I gathered that the happiest and most satisfied people I encountered were nurses. With this in mind, and in the most roundabout way possible, I have finally made a decision about my future. So after the many destructive things I’ve done in this little college town, today I am here on a mission to create. The first day, of many to come. The line is drawn. There is only forward from here.
I want to find that happy place- between the doing and the not doing, the effort and the relaxation. I have a feeling it has a lot to do with continuously saying “yes” to every opportunity for growth and consistently saying “no” to every act that will pull me away from my potential. I need to stop fighting the gravitational pull toward my own radiating center. I don’t want to struggle any longer. I want to return to it, I want to rest in that sweet spot of my soul.
What happens when the person with the louder voice convinces the other that he or she is crazy? What happens when any single person convinces another person of anything at all? How does one individual get all of the power?
If there are many people telling you that you are a negative, selfish person, then maybe you are. But if just one person, out of the many in your life, tells you this…why do you assume it must be true?
We are all guilty of this; we do it to each other. What starts off joyous becomes fierce, as we battle for dominance…Except in those rare instances where two people decide that, as a unit, they become bigger than either of them are inherently capable of being on their own. And in those instances, they each understand that when they make the other person feel small, they reduce themselves as well.
Is it a human, earthbound instinct that drives us to conquer (even the ones we love)? If so, I want to hear from the ones who have elevated beyond that desire. I want the tools, the tips, the tricks of the trade. If we want real love, what starts off as earthly, animal attraction will eventually require us to transcend the baser instincts. I want to love in multi dimension. I want to embrace the extraterrestrial. We come in pieces. If we hope to return, whole, we have to come together and remember that there is more to life than this.